Wednesday, 30 March 2016

I don’t know how I grew up

To be the type of woman

who carried more salt and scars in her bloodstream

rather than mist or deep blue rivers .

I knew mother taught me better,

But I wore your absence like a metal chain around my neck

and I learnt to sew my lips and let my hands do the talking instead

I kept wishing for the day my tongue

would forget the way your name curled around it .

and my head never understood how to stop spinning around you

‘’it’s okay to tell him ,

Don’t move away , stay.”

I don’t know

When I turned into the kind of woman

Who spends her days mocking the way she loves

And keeps rushing back to the past like

It’s the only home I’ve ever known.

Maybe you wish I don’t keep repeating

the same old sorrows

I wish it too.

But I have to let you know

That there is life beating in small doses

Of my reluctant heart which allows me

To love gloriously, unapologetically unconditionally

And there is freedom in knowing that

And purpose

Which came of loving you.

So, forgive me for each time I choose you.

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